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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?